I’m in a bad spot, lately. I’ve been unemployed since May with lots of promising employment prospects fizzling out unexpectedly at the last moment. Though demoralizing, this season of life is one of change. Change affords us the opportunity to step back and examine our guiding principles and common practices with earnest, fresh eyes.
One of the benefits of my abundant free time is that I have reconnected with many dear friends, and connected more deeply with others. I had not realized while working just how few meaningful interactions I had with people I love. Spending time with these people now has helped me to reconnect with myself, to cast off the sins of yesterday (though they are pesky hangers-on), and focus more on tomorrow, however dreary a prospect tomorrow happens to be.
“You are the average of the five people with whom you associate most.”
I don’t know who really said this first. The Internet tells me it was Jim Rohn. I heard it from Tim Ferriss. I doubt the number “five” is magical here, but the sentiment is powerful: You reflect what is poured into you by your community. Choose your community wisely.
Economics in Practice
I’ve decided to prioritize intentional friendship and I’m using economics to help me. I’ve set up five glass jars in my home, all in a row; one jar for each person whom I want to influence me. These are people who inspire me to be better, more disciplined, and forward looking. These are people who fill my cup and challenge me.
Each week, I place a small amount of money in each jar. The goal in setting money aside is to make spending time with each of these people more intentional, accessible, and mindful. Some of these people live quite far away. Intentionally setting this money aside helps me to plan for that travel.
I enjoy connecting over a cup of coffee, a stiff drink, or a meal. These jars are my way of prioritizing that time by budgeting for it. The money that goes into a jar is sacred. It cannot be used on anyone other than that person.
The Opportunity Cost of Friendship
I suspect that one additional benefit of this practice will make some people uncomfortable. In sanctifying this money toward the purpose of spending time with a specific individual, I have to ask whether that person is good for me. In a sense, I’m asking whether a person is worth my time and attention. This forces me to be more selective about the people with whom I spend my time, and about whom I spend time thinking.
It also forces me to be honest about who I am and who I want to become. Both of those influence who ought to be in my inner circle. Not everyone can challenge me appropriately in every setting. Not everyone is suited to filling the various cups we each carry (mental, emotional, physical, social). I know that the list will adjust over time based on who I am, and who I want to become for that season of life.